Lonely Sometimes
by BrittanyRose
Summary: ON HIATUS...RikkuxGippal...Rikku searches for that something missing, and finds a part of herself she never knew before, in the most obvious of places. Rating for language in later chapters. CHAPTER SIX UP! Please R&R... RikkuxGippal... ON HIATUS
1. Take me on

**Author's note: I do not own any of the characters in the fanfiction, nor am I in anyway affiliated with Square Enix. I do own this keyboard though! **

**This is my first fanfiction ever so, I beg of you, please be gentle, but firm! Thanks for reading!**

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Chapter one:

_Take me on_

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"_Okay!"_

"_No, It's not okay! I can't believe you said that! It'll never be okay and you know what, you MORON! FINE! I'm leaving and you can just work alone form now on you big, dumb, jerk!"_

"_Ree-Cooo! What in Spira is the matter with you! YOU COME BACK HERE NOW!"_

As I stormed down one of the many hallways of the newly rebuilt Al-Bhed Home, I could hear the echo of my words bouncing along the walls, and it made my face hot with humiliation to think that everyone heard them.

Whispers in muddled English and perfect Al-Bhed voices whirled around me as I gained speed on my way to anywhere but that particular machina workshop. I didn't look around as I tore down the corridors, but I knew exactly where I was going, which sort of depressed me. Angry tears began to burn my eyes and I struggled to blink them back.

"_Princess…"_

"_What's_ her_ problem…?"_

"_What happened?"_

"_Was it about… Him?"_

I began to contemplate how, after all I'd done for Spira, I ended up here, in the desert, rebuilding machina for my father and being forced to tolerate the constant invasion of privacy from everyone around. Heck, I couldn't even fight with my own brother without it ending up dinner conversation for three hundred people anymore.

As I raced up the stairs to my bedroom suite, trying to outrun the inevitable, my mind wandered to Yuna and Tidus and I wondered where they were now, what they were doing, and if they were happy. _Of course they were_, I mentally chuckled, _they're head over heels for one another_. Yuna deserved her happiness and I genuinely loved Tidus for being able to give it her. I could remember with fascinating accuracy every detail of his heart-wrenching departure and his unexpected return - not to mention the constant cloud of sorrow always visible, if even just slightly, in Yuna's eyes for those long two years. I was nearly as happy as my cousin when Tidus came back into their lives.

After Yuna left on a well-deserved hiatus from public view some months later, the rest of the Gullwings continued hunting fiends and spheres, although this time it was without the constant suspicion of some deadly evil always lurking around the corner. It was actually carefree and fun – even for Paine.

Soon, though, Paine left too. She found happiness with another person the same way Yuna did and left for Bevelle to start her new life as the Preator's wife. That left the remaining members of the sphere hunters (except Barkeep, who moved back to the Moonflow with his "darling") reunited with Cid, my father, to excavate machina. He was, after all, the Al-Bhed leader and that made me… well, it honestly made me "Rikku: the girl who'd never had a boyfriend because they were all to scared of Cid to even look at her."

_But why everyone else and not me? _I thought as I flopped onto my bed. It's not as if I _needed _someone to make me happy – I just needed something that didn't involve not being able to distinguish the days from one another because they're all _exactly_ alike.

I rolled over to look out a window at all the masked and goggled Al-Bhed running around below. The new Home was in the middle of the excavation sites in Bikanel Desert with a similar, although remarkably larger and more comfortable version of the living quarters from the original. _Gotta hand to Pops_, I thought proudly, _He really outdid himself._

I rolled over again on my side and surveyed my bedroom. Everything was slightly disheveled, but squeaky clean and very colorful, if not a bit too bright. I had to admit, the great big canopy bed with too many pillows was a nice change from sleeping on little more than a hard mattress in the cabin of the Celcius.

In the middle of my daydreaming, I was violently jerked back into reality by a shrill voice ringing in my ears:

"Ree-Coooo!"

Now, understand, I _knew_ from a lifetime's worth of experience that it was futile to try and ignore that voice. I sat up and was confronted with the mirror directly across from the foot of my bed. As hard as I tried to control it, my face was becoming progressively more and more flushed with anger as each syllable escaped from my darling brother's lips.

"Ree-coo, you talk-a to me right NOW!"

I mentally ticked off a countdown which I was sure would mark the point in time when Brother would explode with frustration at being ignored by his sister.

…_Four. Three. Two. One._

"REE-COOOOOOOO!"

Satisfied that I was able to predict the wail that came out of his mouth, I had to decide quickly which plan of action I was going to take. After a moment's thought, I decided that, for once, I would try to just talk out the argument instead of the usual screaming match. It was getting tiring, after all.

_Ever heard the expression "Never argue with an idiot?"_, I thought. The cliché hit so accurately, I had to fight back a fit of giggles that would surely ignite Brother's already sparked anger into a fit of rage rivaling that of the Angry Mantua Paine, Yunie, and I had, er, "encountered" , in the desert last year.

Having settled that, I fixed my face into the calmest expression I could conjure up and opened the door to my bedroom suite at the exact moment Brother was preparing to break it down with his shoulder.

It seemed to happen in slow-motion: as the mammoth of an Al-Bhed flew through the door, my expression changed from that of tranquility to that of shock - and angry anticipation, for I knew _exactly_ what was about to happen as I eyed my precious collection of shining, milky spheres sitting in the very cabinet Brother and his purple face were making a beeline for.

The subsequent crash was deafening. As the beautiful spheres which my friends and I had spent what seemed to be an eternity hunting down rolled across the floor, I jumped onto my own flesh and blood with a ferocity that would impress a Queen Courel and a ruthlessness that could be matched only by that of what had been Sin.

I was so angry, I didn't even notice the rather large group of people gathering around the door, and, more importantly, I failed to notice that there was another purple-faced, male family member in my midst – that is until the exact moment when I, in my violent enthusiasm, rammed Brother's head (which was safely secured in the nook of my arm) into Pop's stomach.

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There you go! Let me know what you think! Sorry about no Gippal here, but he'll be popping up soon. Let me know what you guys think and I 'll try and respond in my next authors notes. I'm going to post the next chapter fairly quickly. ( I already have them written, just wanna see if this generates any interest.) Chiao!


	2. The 'Pop' Heard Round The World

**Author's note: You know the deal - I own jack squat and that's all, folks. Oh well. Life goes on, eh?**

**BTW: Thanks to everyone who read my story and especially those who I got feedback from! Here's your update!**

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"Ouffffff!"

_Uh-oh._

That one syllable was all it took to bring me out of the state of fury I was reveling in and look around for the first time. Somewhere around twenty amazed, but not necessarily surprised, faces were looking down at the heap that was Brother, my father and me.

Not surprisingly, most of those amazed faces were beginning to morph into expressions of pure terror as the fact that Pop was actually on the floor with me and Brother dawned on them and they slowly realized what was about to happen. I could hardly believe my rotten luck today as I pushed Brother's moaning figure off top of me and began to rise up to face the music.

_If you can call Pop's bellowing for hours without end "music."_

I started fidgeting - straightening out my pink tank top and finger-combing my low ponytail - in hopes of maybe giving my father a second or so to calm down before I looked up.

Just as I had suspected, it didn't work. I stole a glance at my white-faced brother, whose expression had changed drastically from rage and confusion, to fear and… well, confusion.

He probably didn't realize exactly how he had ended up on the floor, but he knew damn good and well what it meant when Pop's face turned that shade of purple. As did everyone else who'd ever met him: which could provide an easy explanation as to why the room was suddenly empty. There was no doubt in my mind, however, that they were all lurking within earshot.

"What in Spira is wrong with you two?"

I was afraid if I opened my mouth, he'd grab my tongue, tie it around the doorknob, and start slamming the door. Brother obviously had similar notions, for his lips were clinched together in a straight, tight line.

"WELL!", Pop bellowed, looking back and forth between the two of us. Then he just looked up at the ceiling and let loose a groan of frustration akin to the mating call of a wild animal.

After a moment, his expression softened (which only frightened me more) and his eyes landed on my older sibling. "Brother", he said in a very strained calm voice," how old are you?"

"Ehh..twe..twen…twenty f..f…four…" he stammered out through clenched lips.

Pop nodded his head slowly.

"Rikku?" I looked up carefully, "Rikku, how old are you?"

"Eight-teen", I spat out as quickly as possible, sensing what was going on.

"Uh-_huh_", Pop said in mock-interest, "Eight-teen and Twenty-four…. Hmmm. You're not children anymore, are you?"

I remained silent, but shook my head in the fear that I would somehow anger him more if I didn't respond at all. Brother, on the other hand, sat in silent, wide-eyed horror.

"That's right. You're not. SO," he belted out so loudly, I heard one of the eavesdroppers fall over somewhere on the staircase, "_what the hell's wrong with you then? Running around screaming and knockin' over my machinas… are you both _insane_? Huh? Are you! My only son and I could kill you sometimes, and YOU, Rikku, just LOOK at this! Broken cabinet, spheres everywhere, beatin' the hell outta your brother… what the hell'd ya run outta the shop for anyways…."_

As Pop continued his tirade, I could feel red-hot anger growing inside of me. How dare he not ask me what was going on? What did he know! _He_ wasn't even _there_, for goodness sake!

I was about to interject a "feel-sorry-for-me-and-look-at-my-puppy-dog-eyes" apology in the hope of getting this over with, when Brother said what I'd been hoping to avoid talking about. Ever. Especially with Pop.

"But Father! She… She…", he started out, wild-eyed and frantic, "It iz all her FAULT! She vuz _laughing at me_ because I dropped zat stupid machina on my foot. I asked her 'what vuz so funny?' and she said it vuz becuz I vuz staring at Angenala, and I vuzn't and it vuz embarrassing _my feelings,_ so I told her zat she should SHUT-UP…"

He wasn't lying. It _had_ started out that way. The truth is, it was pretty dumb, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt…

15 minutes earlier:

"_Oooooowwwwch!"_

_I looked up to see what he had done this time and saw him hopping up and down on one foot as _she _walked away and giggled at the mess my brother turned into when _she_ was around_

"_Vut are you laughing at?" from the look on his face, I could already tell this was going to get fun._

"_Nu… Nothing…", I stammered between giggles._

"_Shut-UP!"_

_At this, everyone within earshot stopped what he or she was doing to watch the festivities, and those outside of hearing distance were asking around to see what was going on._

"_Maybe if you hadn't have been staring at Angenala so hard you would have noticed your hands were covered in grease. _Then _maybe you would have realized that the machina was to heavy for you to pick up period, much less with slippery hands, and you wouldn't have dropped it on your big swollen foot and made a total fool out of yourself in front of your newest obsession… Whadaya think?" I finished with a satisfied smile playing on my lips._

"_Vell... Vell…", Brother began his retaliation looking as if his brain were going to explode should he think any harder, "Vell, maybe you should shut-up BECAUSE AT LEAST I HAVE SOMEONE TO LOOK AT AND YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS! YOU'RE JEALOUS AND LONELY AND NO ONE VANTS YOU AROUND…"_

"What_ did you say?", I said quietly as he stammered on._

"…_A.ND YOU'LL NEVER BE…." He trailed off staring at me in confusion. No doubt wondering why I wasn't yelling back at him. _

"_Vhat? Vhy are you looking at me like zat?"_

_I just stared at him with my fists clenched at my sides. "I said 'I want to know what you just said'. Now."_

"_I… I… said that you didn't have…", at this point he realized what he had done, "Oh, no I did it again.. I… Rikku, I'm sor-"_

"_DON'T."_

"_I'm sorry, Okay!", he practically screeched._

"…_Okay?", I repeated._

"_Yez, yez, Okay!" He had said relieved._

_I didn't respond._

"_Okay!" He said, hoping to reconcile._

_Then… well, I went ballistic._

"_No, It's not okay! I can't believe you said that! It'll never be okay and you know what, you MORON! FINE! I'm leaving and you can just work alone form now on you big, dumb, jerk! I HATE YOU"_

"_Ree-Cooo! What in Spira is the matter with you! YOU COME BACK HERE NOW!"_

"…And zen she grabbed my head and put it in your stomach and, vell… vell… you know zee rest!"

Pop turned his gaze onto me and I pretended not to notice by looking at all my spheres. No matter what Pop was going to say, I _know _Brother deserved what I gave him for breaking my cabinet and damaging my spheres.

"Rikku? Is that why you ran through Home screamin' like a bloody banshee? Is that why you jumped on your Brother and made such a dang commotion?"

"Actually," I said, "I jumped on him because he broke my cabinet and it looks like some of my spheres are ruined!" I shot Brother a nasty look with this last sentiment.

"But," Pop continued, his eyes wide with disbelief, "you ran away because of what he said to you… and that's what started all this…?", he finished lamely with his voice raised at the end, as if he were asking a question – even though we all knew it was more of a statement.

I paused for a moment thinking of the best way to respond. After a moment's debate, I decided to reply with a simple nod – but I didn't dare look at my father or my brother. I was too ashamed.

However, when no one said anything, I chanced a glance up and Pop was staring at me in a sad sort of amazement. It was almost like… pity. I didn't like the way it was making me feel, but, in a way, it was oddly comforting to know that my actions weren't completely crazy.

After what seemed an eternity, Pop sharply turned his head to Brother who was still staring at him with wide-eyed fear.

"Whatcha starin' at boy!", he snapped.

"Huh?"

"'Huh'? Don't you 'huh' me! Git off yer butt and git back to work!"

And with that, Pop turned on his heel and retreated to the confines of his office while Brother and I stared at each other in complete and total bewilderment.

"Uhhh… huh? Yeah?", was the only thing I could get out of my mouth.

Brother remained quiet as he stood up, shook his head, and walked out of the room, but not without first giving me another look that suggested fear and wonder at what we had just witnessed.

I remained standing in the middle of the floor staring at the open doorway.

Some of the eavesdropping Al-Bhed began to file out of their hiding places, walking past my door, muttering to one another in astonishment. It was hard to tell whether they where mumbling because of the way Pop had behaved or because of what they heard Brother saying about our fight.

As I shook myself out of the state of shock I was in, I closed the door to my room and took a look around.

_Spira, what a mess! I oughta grab brother by the ears and rub his nose in it! My cabinet… my spheres… MY SPHERES!_

My eyes wandered around my floor counting to make sure all of my treasures were there. There was one missing. Probably under the bed. Something hit my foot.

I reached down and picked up one of the milky, shining spheres. Upon examination, a thought occurred to me: spheres are very resistant to damages – how else could they have made it though the war of Zanarkand, right? The thought cheered me up slightly.

My room was a total mess. I couldn't live like this – I had to clean it. First thing is first, though. I has to find that missing sphere,

I had just laid myself onto the floor in order to feel around underneath my bed for more valuables, when I felt a pair of hands grab my ankles and I screamed.

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**oOoRikku4EveroOo** : You're m,y first review ever! You'll forever hold a special place in my heart. Glad you liked it, btw. Thank you!

**Rikku SWiRLS** : Thanks for the tip - I did what you suggested. Sorry about no Gippal yet, but he'll be here sooner than you think!


	3. Unexpected Places

**Author's note: I own diddly squat... and that is all.**

**Okay, so I was too excited to put this chapter up to wait for reviews to post, so I'll awnser them all in my next chapter. I've been doing good in the updating department, but this next one might be a little tardy...**

**Consequently, I have discovered the cure for writer's cramp and carpral tunnel syndrome alike - Writer's Block. :) I'm getting there though.**

**As always, enjoy and R&R please!**

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_Unexpected Places_

"Aaaahhhhhh – Owie!" I exclaimed as my head hit the sideboard of the bed frame.

"Oooohhhh – I bet that hurt, huh?"

I knew that voice too well. I slid the rest of my upper body out from under the bed and twisted around to look into my friend's eyes.

"Whadaya want, Buddy? I'm busy."

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I heard what Brother said to you, and I know you know this, but, I mean, sheesh, Rikku, he's a moron. He don't know no better than to act like one, you know?"

I got up off the floor and sat on the edge of the bed. I could always talk to Buddy. He was like the intelligent brother I never had.

"I dunno what it was… something just… snapped, I guess. It really hurt. I don't know why, but - "

"It hurt," he said, cutting me off, "because no one wants to be thought of as alone. Not by anyone, especially themselves. It hurts when people point that kinda stuff out to you."

"But I'm not any of those things he said I am!" I whined.

"Maybe not, but maybe you're not as much of an objective judge as you think."

"Look, I… okay, so maybe I'm a little jealous of how Brother can get by with being so damned ignorant sometimes, but that's hardly justification to say what he said! You know it's not true!"

"Do I? Everyone needs to feel like they need someone sometimes" he said perceptively.

I didn't like where this was going. "You don't understand, Buddy! I don't _want_ anyone around. That's what I don't understand. I'm just…"

"…Bored?" he offered. I was pleased he had gotten the hint.

"Yes!"

"…Kinda bummed the action's all over?"

"Yes!"

"… a little confused maybe?"

"Well, yeah."

"…Lonely?"

"Ye—Hey, you jerk! You're trying to trick me into saying that I'm lonely! Well, you're not going to! You can't make me say it", I said, although without as much conviction as I would've liked to have shown.

He then gave me this look that suggested he just received confirmation of his suspicions. "Then why didn't you just deny it?"

It took a moment for what he said to sink in. I hadn't said, "No, I'm not lonely"? Not even a simple "Of course not"? Why didn't I say that? I opened my mouth to tell him, but I just… just…

Stared.

I stared at him.

That's all I could do. I _wanted_ to scream out that I wasn't lonely, that I was happy and Brother was just a jerk…. But I couldn't. Instead, I did the only thing I could do:

I ran.

I ran hard and I ran fast. I ran all the way down the stairs of the towers. I ran in between angry couples. I ran thorough workshops full of dangerous machina. I ran by a row of offices.

I only stopped running when I hit a wall.

"Owie…", I mumbled. My pride more than anything else was hurt. This kind of thing did _nothing_ for my reputation of clumsiness.

"Hey darlin', you are alright?" A bald man stuck his head out of a big office.

"Yeah, Pop, I'm alright."

"Okay just makin' sure."

I nodded to show I had heard him, and he popped back into his office while I sat on the floor catching my breath. After a few seconds, though, I figured it would be a good idea to get on my feet – just in case.

It turned out to be a good thing, too, because as soon as I got back onto my feet, here came Buddy waving at me like he was trying to land an airship.

"Hey Rikku, come on, wait – You need to talk about it!"

"Since when did you become an expert on love!" I asked as he drew within arm's length of me.

"Love?" he asked, puzzled.

I was in shock. I couldn't believe that word came out of my mouth. As he stared at me, mouth agape, I felt my face heat up and tears well up in my eyes.

"Rikku… don't run," he said with his hands out, as if I were a dangerous escape lunatic.

But…

"Rikku!" I heard him yelling in the distance as I tore through the machina workshop I had just been trying so hard to escape.

I looked around for something to slow Buddy down with.

"Brother," I said out of breathe when the tattooed gargantuan came into view, "Buddy has a new machina for you from Shinra, but you can't have it until you find it in one of his pockets!"

"Really!" he squealed.

"Really", I answered, looking around until I spotted Buddy in the doorway searching for me. "Look, there he is!"

I ran off as Brother's eyes lit up and felt a sudden pang of sympathy mixed with guilt for Buddy, who would, no doubt, spend untold hours trying to convince Brother there was nothing to find – after, of course, he convinced Brother to get off of him. But, hey, he should've left me alone!

I continued running until I finally hit a pair of metal doors that led outside. It was late afternoon and the sunset in Bikanel was absolutely breathtaking.

I was so happy to finally be alone (not to mention completely exhausted form the running) I put my hands on my knees and bent over.

Suddenly, I heard a noise behind me, and without sparing a glance, I took the first step of what would have been a sprint in the opposite direction, but, just as the very cool breeze of the early evening hit my face, a very solid arm encircled my tummy and jerked me backwards, causing a squeal of fright and anger to escape my lips.

"Hold it a second. You never run from noises… What's the matter, Rikku?"

As I turned to look at the person who had accosted me, a strong, captivating scent overtook me: it was the smell of oregano and suntanned skin that had haunted me for years.

I knew who it was without opening my eyes.

"Gippal, where the heck'd you come from?"

A mischievous smile played on his face as he lifted his free arm and pointed somewhere beyond the horizon. "Out…_there_…" he said in a mock-mysterious manner. "… Working." He finished in a serious tone of voice, but the same smile was on his lips.

I, in turn rolled my eyes, and said, "I meant how'd you get behind me like that?"

He opened his mouth to answer my question, but stopped short of speaking. He, instead, raised one eyebrow and asked me, "First tell me why you're running away from home like a sandworm just surfaced form the toilet?"

I resisted the temptation to laugh and just shook my head at him.

"What's wrong?" he asked seriously.

"Nothing's wrong Gippal, but I need to get away from Buddy… _now_. So, uhh, could you maybe let me go?"

Gippal smiled at me in a way that gave me goose bumps.

"Whatda I get out of it?"

At this I shot him a dirty look and he raised one eyebrow with this expectant look on his face. I knew he wouldn't let me go until I said something or kneeled him – however, I already had one guy chasing me to talk, and I didn't need another trying to murder me.

"A cookie?" I replied hopefully.

At this point in time, I became uncomfortably aware of how close we were to each other and mentally patted myself on the back for not having worn my bikini top today.

Gippal looked at me very seriously then. I fidgeted with a strand of my hair, trying not to look into his face.

His arm tightened around me as he leaned forward, touching his nose to mine.

A slight smile appeared on his lips.

Then… I was too shocked to move.

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**So, whadaya think so far? Doncha just HATE to be kept waiting like that?**

**Well, Gippal's finally here, as I promised, although I was considering waiting until the next chappy to bring him in.**

**R&R, praise and criticism are always welcome! britt**


	4. Dont' Know Why

**Author's note: I own nothing except this plot. Thank you and goodnight.**

**Okay everyone here is chapter four. I was very pleased to see so many people responded in the past few days. So here you go, chapter four, a little tardy, but I'm graduating in two weeks, so things are hectic. As awlways, R&R and enjoy!**

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**Don't know why**

"Chocolate chip and we have a deal.", Gippal said.

He looked extremely pleased with himself - as if he thought he'd just said the absolute cutest thing in the world.

_Chocolate chip?_, I thought,_ He just pretended like he was going to… and I wanted… no, I _didn't_ want – I thought… I thought… he… HE TRICKED ME!_

I stood there, mouth agape, and decided that it was, as Paine put it, "hurt time."

I pushed him hard – so hard he fell backwards onto the sand.

"What the hell –", he started, getting very angry.

_Stupid jerk._

"Stupid jerk." I was smoldering.

"What?" he asked.

"You know exactly 'what'!" I screamed, pushing him once again as he got up.

"Actually, no I _don't_" he replied, growing louder with every word. I saw this as a challenge and welcomed it with open arms.

"Bullshit! You know and I know and everyone knows! They all talk about it all the time!"

"What the fu– What are you talking about?"

"Everyone! My own Brother says no one wants me and everyone else feels _sorry_ for me… And you – you're – I…"

"Calm down and stop screaming", he replied through gritted teeth.

I was too worked up to calm down.

"You calm down!" I threw back at him, although it was quite possibly the dumbest comeback I'd ever used.

"What is your problem today?"

"SHUT UP!", I screamed.

I could feel my heartbeat inside my brain and I was having a hard time catching my breath.

"Rikku?"

I looked up and saw that Gippal's appearance had suddenly changed from anger to an expression of surprise and worry.

He reached out and gently touched my cheek with one gloved finger, to pull it back the next second and examine a drop of moisture on it.

I became aware that I was crying: not the loud, red-faced bawling, but those silent tears that seem to have been wrung from your heart.

"Rikku, what's the problem?" He seemed baffled. He reached out to grab one of my hands, eyebrows raised in a worried fashion.

"I'm… tired, I guess", I replied as he took one of my hands.

Honestly, I didn't know what the problem was. I'm not even sure I _wanted _to know what the problem was. Did I even have a problem?

"Well… umm, okay then. You want company?"

I looked up at him and shook my head. "I'm going to go to bed, I think."

"You want me to walk you back?"

I wondered why Gippal was being so nice to me all of a sudden. He was always…

That's when it hit me. _He was always playing around with me._ It was always good-natured of course, but he was never this… docile. What was I thinking?

It was just Gippal, and that's how Gippal is - Nothing out of the ordinary, right?

_Wrong_, a voice in my head answered.

_Wrong?_

_Wrong, Rikku. Something was different. You know it and I know it._

_What was different? _

_You know._

_No, I don't. _

_Yes, you do._

_I have no idea. _

_Yes, you do… Just think about it._

_Isn't that what you're here for, you stupid voice? What was different?_

_Well, for starters, you got goose bumps. What does that tell you?_

_I was cold…?_

_Rikku…_

_What?_

_You know._

_No… I was cold._

_Rikku. Come on. You know what it meant._

"COLD!" I screamed aloud, stamping my feet.

Gippal appeared to think that I had lost my mind. "…What are you talking about?"

I ha no idea what to say.

"_Oh I was talking to the voice in my head about you and my goose bumps. Nothing unusual."_

Not a chance.

I struggled for a way to get out of this somewhat gracefully. "It's too cold out here and I need a jacket…" I trailed off lamely.

He looked at me with a strange expression on his face.

I shifted around, trying not to look into his… eyes. I noticed then that he wasn't wearing that dumb eye patch. It almost made me giggle. That thing was so stupid looking – he just thinks it makes him look cool!

_He's very attractive either way…_

_Shut-up, you dumb voice! I don't care!_

"Well," he said, interrupting my internal conflict, "I don't want to have anything to do with your discomfort princess. I'll leave you to yourself." His voice had a slight sting to it, as if he felt that his rare display of kindness had been wasted. However, I started past him anyway. Maybe now that ridiculous voice will leave me alone. Listen to me… Voices. I'm going nuts.

"Wait."

I thought about ignoring him, but I stopped reluctantly to see what he wanted.

"Didn't you say you were trying to get away from Buddy?"

"Yeah… how come?" I asked.

"Well, he's _bound_ to be in there, you know that right?"

I laughed out loud. "No, he's _bound_ to be busy for quite awhile."

Gippal looked at me suspiciously. "And why is that?"

I fought back a fit of laughter. "Let's just say that he's keeping Brother entertained."

"You told Brother Buddy was hiding something from him, didn't you?" he asked, comprehension showing on his face.

I nodded vigorously, flashing him a conspiratorial smile.

"So…?" he asked.

" 'So' what?"

"I thought you were freezing and wanted me to leave you alone?"

My smile faded. I wasn't sure what I was doing anymore. Damn voice. Why did I get so mad at Gippal? What did I think was going to happen? What did I want to happen…?

… Most importantly, why was he looking at me like he was?

… _Goose Bumps?_ the voice in my head asked.

_Yup._

_So… What are you going to do now?_

_Like you have to ask?_

"What'd I do NOW!" I could hear Gippal calling after me as I ran off into the desert night.

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**Okay, there it is. Chapter five ahould be up shortly. I hit a wall with this, but I've got some new direction now. And, yes, Gippal will be in almost all, if not every chapter form now on.**

**Thanks to MorbidityEmbodied, Cabana Boy, and Simply Elena for chapter three reviews.**

**Hope you liked it!**

**brittany**


	5. Memories

**Authors Note: I don't own anything - well, except my story line - but no characters or FFX2, okay? )**

**Anyways, you guys, thankyou so much for all the wonderful reviews! I just got back from vaycay with no internet connection -ARRRGHHH! - but I'm here now and your reviews warmed my resolve to update. Honestly, I've been home for less than an hour - I haven't even unpacked yet! But, as always, read and review!**

**Enjoy!**

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**Memories**

After running for fifteen minutes or so, I had to stop – I could hardly catch my breath. I looked around me. I became aware that it was no longer sunset.

The stars shone brightly in the Bikanel, far from the lights at Home. I had a lot of thinking to do, but I didn't know where to start. The fight with Brother was too childish – even for the two of us. Me running from Buddy the way I had… He'd always been there for me, a friend I could count on. Just because he's testing out his therapeutic powers doesn't mean he was attacking me personally, just that he's too full of himself for his own good.

Then running from Gippal like that… What was I thinking? I plopped down onto a sand dune, elbows on knees, head in hands and pouting.

"I just… oh, I don't know." I felt very stupid talking to myself out loud, partly because it made me feel a bit crazy, but mostly because I couldn't shake the feeling someone was listening and thinking I was crazy.

I knew why I'd ran away from Gippal, I just didn't want to admit it to myself. Gippal has made me extremely uncomfortable when we'd been alone together for almost five years…

_A hot blast of desert air hit my face as I burst out of the doors of the original Home, screaming so loudly, my throat felt as if it were bleeding._

_Behind me came my brother, cursing in Al-Bhed. He wasn't running, though. Actually, he wasn't doing much of anything except talking to himself in shock, apparently._

_I collapsed in the sand as I desperately tried to remember the sound of my mother's voice, this… melody that I would never again hear in life. I could remember her smile, and her eyes – the way she looked all the time. I remembered every detail of every article of clothing I'd ever seen her in as well as her smile… I remembered the sound of her footsteps to tell me 'good night' and the way she smelt…_

_Just not her voice._

_I started sobbing into my hands and threw myself onto the sand in the fetal position. I couldn't bear to hear silence or anything else except the sound of my own crying. As long as I was crying, something might change. _

_As long as I was crying, this wasn't happening. Sand was al over my face and in my eyes, but I couldn't make myself wipe it off of me. I needed to feel something._

_I don't know how long I stayed on the ground or even if anyone tried to move me, but I do remember a soft hand on my shoulder._

"_Rikku? Are you okay?" a voice asked._

_I cried louder in response._

_I felt pressure on my back for a second, which told me the voice was sitting down beside me. The voice stayed there for a long time, rubbing my back in silence, offering comfort through its presence. Of course, I knew who it was – my best friend._

_I sniffled and after a few seconds succeeded in controlling my tears long enough to speak. "Gippal…"_

"_Yeah?"_

"…_Why did this happen to her?"_

_He picked his hand up off of my back, obviously surprised I would ask him such a thing I knew he had no answer to._

_After a moment, though, "You know if I knew I'd tell you. I wish I knew what to say to make it better for you, but I think the only thing to do is to offer you a shoulder to lean on, or cry on, or scream at if you want," he said with a faint smile, "but just know that, okay?" He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead at this point, which normally would have been a very strange thing for him to do, but under the circumstances, I let him keep his limbs in tact._

_I nodded. "Thanks." I sat up and halfway dusted the sand off of the right side of my body, before looking back at Home. My eyes welled up with tears. "She'll never come through those doors again… Never."_

_Gippal patted my shoulder. He was obviously at a lack for words. After a moment, I had to fill the silence._

"_Where…. Is my daddy?" that was the first and last time I ever called Pop that._

"_I'm not sure."_

"_Well…" I started, tears rolling down my face, "I need to find him. Could you maybe see if Brother's okay, please, Gippal?"_

_He nodded with a sad, half-smile. "Sure thing."_

_A day or so later, I met my Uncle Braska for the first time in my life. I was very frightened of the three men (Braska, Sir Auron, and Sir Jecht) at first, because I didn't know who they were. Most of Spira hated the Al-Bhed already at this point. Their clothing and weapons were very intimidating so, naturally, I wondered why they were here._

_I found out soon enough that my Uncle was to Send my mother to the Farplane. Everyone in Home came to see, and everyone cried. My father held one of my hands and one of Brother's hands. He tried as hard as he could to hold back the tears that inevitably rolled down his cheeks, but he acted as if he hadn't noticed._

_The "dance" for the Sending was beautiful and horrifying. I saw pyreflies and flashes of light, and, just like that, it was done. My father released my hand as he got up to approach Uncle Braska. I looked after him for a moment and decided I wanted to go to bed. _

_I had bags under my eyes and looked as if I hadn't slept or eaten in days. I needed rest. By this point in time, I wasn't crying anymore – I was just 'there'. I felt as if my mother may never have existed and this was all a delusion. I felt confusion and pain, but they were directed at nothing in particular. The just 'were'._

_I finally reached my quarters when I smelt the familiar smell of oregano. I looked behind me and saw Gippal, who had leaned up against a wall as if he were waiting for something._

"_Hey", he said, as if reading my mind, "I was waiting on you. You okay?"_

_I nodded at him and opened my door. I didn't, however, shut it behind me._

_Gippal walked in. "Do ya want me to leave you alone?"_

_I looked up at his face, which was full of worry and a discernable desire to be of some sort of help. Everyone was looking for someway to be useful to my family these days, but just the same, I _did _need something…_

_I shook my head and motioned for him to sit beside me on the bed. "Gippal… I…", I started reluctantly, "… I can't remember what my mom's voice sounded like. Is that bad?"_

_Gippal's parents had both died when we were around five and six, so I felt as if I could ask him anything now and he'd understand._

"_Hmmm… I'm not sure. I remember too little about either one of mine to know what I forgot first, you know? But, if I remember something about forgetting, I'll let you know." At this he leaned in to push me a little, signifying a joke._

_I managed a very small, sad smile at the floor when he did this._

"_Hey! I gotcha to smile, huh?" He laughed. "See? I told you I'm the best."_

_I looked up at Gippal then, smiling in spite of everything he'd been through and everything that was going on. His smile was warm and genuine and I wanted nothing more than to feel warm again._

_He must have noticed a change in my eyes. He became very aware of how close we were,probably at the same time as I did, but he didn't move. His smile faded to a serious expression as he looked into my eyes. As our faces inched closer together, I felt a sensation – as if something wonderful were about to happen. He closed his eyes and then I closed mine. For about half of a second, I felt a jolt of electricity as I received my first kiss._

_Then… it was over._

_Gippal was walking out the door._

"_Wha-?" I started._

_Gippal turned to me and shook his head. "I'm sorry."_

I looked up from the sand at the stars in the sky and a tear escaped the corner of my eye. I wasn't sure if it was because of thinking of my mother, or if it was because I was thinking of… Nevermind.

Brother was right. My best friend ditched me then and Yuna, Paine and Tidus have all ditched me now. Nobody wanted me around. I was so completely and utterly alone.

Another tear fell onto the sand as I stood up clumsily.

Just then, I heard something behind me.

It wasn't until that exact second until I remembered something. Something important.

Realizing how dangerous the Bikanel is at night, I reached for my daggers before grasping the fact that I didn't have them. They were in my room… all the way back Home.

I turned around slowly, glimpsing the colors purple and gold – I was in big trouble.

The Lightening Drake appeared on the horizon of a close-by sand dune and locked it's gaze onto me.

I backed away slowly, my eyes never leaving those teeth. I thought about making a run for it, but it was too late. The little chance I had just had of getting away was obliterated by a sudden charge on the Drake's part. As I opened my mouth to scream, the sound of a machina gun being fired came out.

Even more strange, the Drake was now on the sand, three feet in front of me, withering away to pyreflies.

"What in hell was th-?"

"You turning into Nooj or something?"

Gippal was standing a good ten yards from me holding a viscous looking machina. "Whatdaya' mean, 'Nooj'?"

"Well, you gotta figure a smart girl such a yourself comes into the Bikanel at night without being armed must be a Deathseeker, you know?" He finished, throwing me a smaller gun, which I barely caught.

I thought a moment on how to respond.

"Well?" Gippal said impatiently.

I scowled at him. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, fine, then don't, but you're dad's going to be pissed if you don't get back to Home in like… oh, NOW."

As much as I would have liked to have lit into Gippal, I knew he was right. Pop _would_ be pissed. I had to get back. But why? _I guess because I'm a good worker._ I fought back a wave of self-pity.

"Okay," I said," let's go." Gippal was looking at me, trying to decide if he was going to start an argument with me or not.

Finally, "Fine, but _I'll _go first."

I rolled my eyes at the back of his head.

We had been walking for about five minutes in silence when Gippal said, "Hey, Rikku, I'm sorry for being rude to ya' just now."

I was pleased. "It's okay", I said.

"But, listen," he continued, "What were you running from me for?"

I stopped dead. I was tempted to scream at him about everything I had been thinking about on that Dune, but he wouldn't have understood the connection.

_So… There is a connection, then?_ The voice said.

_I dunno. Prolly so. Isn't there a connection for everything? Hey, wait, are you Yuna's voice or something? Connections?_

A small chuckle_ No. That's not important. What _is_ important is the connection._

_Right. But why?_

_I can't say._

I groaned mentally._ Now you sound like Shinra._

_You'll figure it out. I'll make sure._

"Ummm… space cadet Rikku? Come in?"

"Oh", I said apologetically, "I'm sorry. What?"

Gippal let out a sigh. "What were you running from me for, I said?"

I scuffed my feet a bit for an excuse to look down at them.

"I… I was… It's not important Gippal. I have a lot on my mind."

He nodded. That same understanding nod from so many years before. "Well," he stared, turning to look into my eyes, "I wish I knew what to say to make it better for you, but I think the only thing to do is to offer you a shoulder to lean on, or cry on. Just know that, okay?"

My jaw dropped as Gippal gave me a meaningful look, turned sharply, and headed back to Home.

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**Well... there it is. Thanks to all who reviewed Chappy four:**

**Nekolee: Today is your lucky day, kiddo!**

**RikkuSwirls: Thanks again! Your reviews make me laugh!**

**Fire's a Beautiful Sound: Merry Christmas )**

**Momo-Chan: Maybe I can work something in there with that gun, eh?**

**Gina: Oooohhh thank you!**

**Ataramos: Your reviews are so amazingly helpful! "Thank you and Come again!"**

**And to anyone I may have overlooked in my infinite stupidity: Thanks and I'm so, so sorry!**

**Please Review! Kisses to all**

**Brittany**


	6. An Unexpected Twist of Fate

**Author's note: Thanks so much for veryone who reviewed last chapter! I sincerely hope you enjoy this one as well. As always, read, review and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FFX2 nor am I in any way affiliated with Square Enix. Now take your lawsuits andgo away... damn ambulance chasers.**

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**An Unexpected Twist of Fate**

_What had he just said? Was it what I thought he said? Or what he had said? Way back when…?_

I ran after Gippal in a state of shock. I wondered if my imagination had been playing tricks on me.

"Hey, Gippal, wait up!" I said when I finally caught sight of him.

He stopped and turned around slowly. The way he was looking at me gave me the distinct impression he was slightly irritated with me. "What is it?"

"I, uh… I was wondering if you could repeat what you just said… please."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Why?"

My eyes darted around nervously. "Well, because... I didn't hear you… I think."

A sadistic smile played on the corners of his mouth. "Oh?" It was pretty obvious he didn't believe me at all.

We stared at each other, as if both of us were willing the other to speak. A mental badminton was playing between our eyes, and I was determined to win this time. However…

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, the thing is, I thought you said something that kind of freaked me out… I mean, not in a _bad_ way, but in an 'I can't believe he said that' kind of way… I guess… you know?" I was hoping he would give me a break.

As he shook his head, I realized I wasn't going to get one. "Look, Princess, just because I'm trying to be a friend doesn't mean that you have to assume that I was hitting on you."

My eyes widened in shock. "Wha… You... I... Wha-?"

I couldn't believe it. This self-absorbed jerk! I thought that he had done something sweet, something to make me feel like I wasn't alone in my thoughts and memories and he's trying to make himself feel like a sex-magnet!

"You sorry son of a Bi-" I started, until, that is, a hand clamped over my mouth.

"Whoa!" Gippal said, "Didn't mean for you to take it like that."

At this point in time I did my best to bite the inside of his hand.

"Ouch! Goddammit Rikku! You know what? Okay… we're going to go somewhere quiet so you don't make a bigger scene."

I looked around and was suddenly aware that the gossipmongers where listening attentively, ready for more ammo.

I gave Gippal a reluctant nod and followed to wherever he was leading.

"Where exactly are you heading?" I asked, growing frustrated.

"To your chambers, where'd you think?"

I stopped dead in my tracks. "Hold on one second mister."

He stopped and turned to face me. His face was no longer angry or irritated. It appeared as though he was eager to listen to anything I had to say. For some reason this worried me. "Yeah?"

"Why do you think we need to go to my chambers?"

"Well, it's a lot less conspicuous than if we were to go to mine, don't you think?"

"Okay, you're not understanding my point – Why are we going to anyone's chamb– oh, let's cut the crap – _bedroom_, huh?"

"Look, where else are we going to go to talk where someone isn't going to be there to listen?"

I gave him a look that suggested he do something unpleasant to himself in the most uncomfortable of places.

"Rikku, whadaya think I'm going to do to you?" he asked, arms spread out, hands open.

I looked him over carefully before nodding my head in consent. "I guess you've been up there enough before."

"Well, not at _this_ Home, but yeah, I get your - "

"Shut up please."

We continued our trek up the many flights of stairs in relative silence until we reached my room. I opened the door and made a beeline for my "living" room – the place with no bed. Gippal followed in suit and sat across from me.

I crossed my arms and waited in silence for Gippal to start. When it became apparent that he had no intention of saying a word until I had, however, I was forced to start.

"So…"

Gippal was leaning forward onto his knees, hands clasped, and head down. "So?"

I gave an exasperated moan. "Gippal, Why did you feel the need to come up here to talk if you were just gonna sit here in silence?"

He didn't answer. I looked at him sitting there with his head down… and he reminded me of a child. A small, frightened little boy who had no one left.

"Gippal", I started, uncrossing my arms, "Why do you have to be so self-centered all the time? I didn't think you were hitting–" I stopped short as he held up his hand.

He smiled a slight, sincere smile as he looked up at me. "Rikku, I know what I said, and I know why you reacted like that. It took me a little while to figure it out, but now I know okay? I didn't mean for it to upset you, though."

I shifted uncomfortably, diverting my eyes from his. "Was it just a coincidence?"

He shrugged. "I dunno… I guess."

"When I was out there, in the sand, I was thinking about her. About those few days, you know?"

He nodded. "I kinda figured that out after I figured out what I said… I'm sorry."

I stood up. "Gippal, what happened to us? We used to be such good friends… I mean, that day… Why'd you stop being my friend? I needed someone… to be my… friend." After I realized how many times I used the word "friend" in those couple of sentences, I blushed. It sounded like that wasn't what I wanted at all, and I couldn't help but feel rather stupid.

"Rikku, do you even remember what happened? We were young – it was a scary thing to have those kinds of feelings and be barely a teenager. What'd you think was going to happen? I didn't know how to handle the situation!" He got defensive.

"Gippal, I was thirteen years old! You were the only real friend I had and you just abandoned me after you took something that I can never have again! That was my first kiss and you know it!" I stood up. I was horribly angry with him. Plain and Simple. Years of rage and resent filled me up to the brim.

"I…I had just watched my mother's sending and you left me in that room to stare at the walls and wonder why everyone I loved was leaving me!"

He stared at me for a moment before looking down at the floor, ashamed. "Rikku, I'm sorry. I was a kid – I was scared you'd hate me for doing it."

"'Doing it'?" I scoffed, "You can't even say it, for the love of Spira, Gippal! Say it! Say, 'for kissing you'! Please… just say it!" I knew I was crying, but I was too angry to really care.

" Okay! I was scared to death you'd hate me for kissing you when you were hurting! I thought you'd… I thought you'd think I was taking advantage of you – I'm sorry, Rikku. I really am."

I wiped me tears away violently. "Did you know that that was the only time! That was the ONLY TIME I'VE EVER KISSED ANYONE!"

He stared at me in disbelief. "Are you serious?" he asked quietly.

I sat down again, shaking with sobs. Gippal remained quiet as I tried to gain control over my emotions.

After several minutes, I looked up, still crying, though contained for the time being, and said, "You asked if I was serious?"

He nodded as he moved slowly to me and sat down by my feet.

I nodded. "Well, I was. After that, you left for the Crimson squad and I left to kidnap the summoners. For two years I traveled with Brother, looking for spheres, and then the whole thing with finding Tidus, then Vegnagun, then Tidus again… You were it for me."

He grabbed one of my hands. "Would you promise not to laugh at me if I told you something?"

I looked into his eyes and nodded.

"You were it for me, too. I know everyone thinks all kinds of horrible things about me, but…" He shook his head and laughed a slight laugh.

I couldn't believe my ears.

"What?" I asked, dumbfounded. "You're joking? What about everything people say about you and the things you've said and that you joke about…?"

"People talk. They see a guy that girls like to flirt with, someone confident, and they talk. But that's all it ever was. Besides, who'd believe me?"

I then realized how ridiculous this whole scenario was: this happened when we barely had all of our adult teeth. But yet, it still hurt like hell. After all this time, nothing hurt more than knowing Gippal was right: I _had_ felt like he took advantage of me. And that was exactly why I had detested his presence for so long. He had the reputation of being a complete whore, and I felt it had started with me. But now, I felt like a complete jerk. _How could I have said those things to him? About him? I know exactly how it feels to have it done to me… What was I thinking?_ I opened my mouth to tell him this, to apologize, but when I looked into his eyes…

It was as it had been those many years ago. Electric. As I slid down off the chair I was sitting in to meet Gippal on the floor, everything seemed to be in slow motion. His fingers grazed my cheek as I drank in how remarkable he looked. One of my hands found its way to his chest, where my fingers traced the neckline of his shirt. I was overwhelmed by the euphoria I felt at that moment. Apparently Gippal was too, because for the first time in my life, I saw a single, solitary tear make its way from his smiling eyes down across his cheek.

I cupped his face in my hands and pulled him to me as slowly as I could, savoring the moment for as long as Gippal would let me. As we both closed our eyes, our breaths mingled for a moment until -

The door flung open.

"Rikku!"

"Rikku!"

"… Gippal?"

I stood up quickly and whirled around in shock. _It couldn't be…_

"Yunie!"

However, obviously, it, in fact, _could _be. Yuna and Tidus were standing in my doorway, looking equally as dumbstruck as Gippal and I.

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**So... whadya think? Let me know! Due to the pronounced lack of reviews I recieved for chapter five, I will not be responding to them here. I will personally respond to you either on the review board or in email, if you provided one. Thank you for those of you who reviewed my story, I really don't think I could've gotten this chapter up without your encouragement.**

**brittany**


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